


World Security Council Woes

by for_darkness_shows_the_stars



Series: A Queen's Gamble-verse [2]
Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: Avengers Family, Crack, Gen, I wrote this instead of listening to my math teacher, Natasha is terrifying, Steve is a Troll, clint is not above using his deafness to avoid idiots, i hope y'all are proud, pepper loves and supports her idiot boyfriend, so does jarvis, tony is ... well he's tony
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-21
Updated: 2020-12-21
Packaged: 2021-03-10 23:27:07
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 889
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28215447
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/for_darkness_shows_the_stars/pseuds/for_darkness_shows_the_stars
Summary: The crisis has been averted.The Asgardians returned to their world.Now, the newly founded Avengers are forced to employ their immense variety of skillsets and abilities in order to avoid suspicion and coercion from the Earthly governments.(A very serious summary for a not-at-all-serious story)
Relationships: Pepper Potts/Tony Stark
Series: A Queen's Gamble-verse [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1811260
Comments: 82
Kudos: 176





	World Security Council Woes

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Black_Victor_Cachat](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Black_Victor_Cachat/gifts).



The phone rings.

Tony curves a brow. Next to him, Pepper takes a sip out of her wine glass.

There’s no caller’s ID.

“Jarvis,” says he, “do check who’s calling for me, will you.”

 _“The caller does not wish to be identified, sir,”_ Jarvis replies.

“And did that ever stop us,” Pepper asks, chuckling.

 _“Of course not, Miss Potts.”_ A moment’s pause, then, _“A representative from the World Security Council.”_

“Well, then,” says Pepper. “This should be interesting. C’mon Tony, do your thing.”

“I love you,” Tony smiles, and picks up the phone. “Hello,” he says, in a flat, pleasant voice, “you have reached a life model decoy of Tony Stark. To schedule a meeting—”

_“We’re not SHIELD, Mr Stark. We are not to be trifled with.”_

Tony grins. “I don’t know … have you met me. I’m all about _trifling_.”

_“You know why we’re calling.”_

Tony sighs. “Look, I’ve told your people a thousand times—if you want my chef’s special burrito recipe, you’re going to have to ask her. She likes me, but she doesn’t like me _that much._ ”

_“Mr Stark!”_

“Yes, darling?”

 _“Mr Stark, we know you’re in contact with extra-terrestrials from the world of Asgard. This would go much smoother if—_ ”

“Yes,” Tony deadpans, “you’re right. I can communicate with aliens. Every Friday evening, Loki comes for movie night.”

The speaker pauses. Heaves a weary sigh.

_“This is not over, Mr Stark.”_

“Bye!” Tony exclaims cheerily and breaks off the call.

“So,” Pepper asks, “is Loki still coming for movie night tomorrow?”

* * *

“Agent Romanoff!”

Natasha stares the man down.

He bows his head and moves out of the way.

* * *

“So, I don’t think Natasha Romanoff is a human being.”

“What else would she be?”

“Oh, I don’t know. An eldritch being, an ancient, mythical terror, a vengeful goddess come to Earth?”

“What did she do to you?”

“I … I don’t even know … it was like staring death in the eyes ...”

* * *

“Captain Rogers,” says the man in the crisp black suit. He’s been following Steve for the past half an hour, and apparently thought he was being inconspicuous in doing so. “You haven’t been answering our calls.”

 _Oh, here we go_.

Steve blinks, doing his best to project the image of ‘confused, patriotic puppy’, as Tony so eloquently puts it, “Sorry. This modern technology … it’s just _so confusing_.”

He’s been religiously bingeing shows on Netflix since he realized what it was. His new smartphone’s due to come any day now.

The agent looks almost sheepish.

“Well,” he says. Looks around. They’re in a coffee shop, where Steve’s come to have a croissant. It’s not his fault the World Security Council idiot thought this was the best place to ‘reveal’ his presence.

In his day, they trained their agents better.

“Is there any place more private where we could talk?”

“I mean, I’m sure there is,” Steve says honestly. “But I came here to have a croissant, and I’m not leaving until I’ve had it.”

The poor agent has no choice but to wait until the waitress brings Steve’s croissant, and shoots a confused look towards the agent himself. Steve … chooses to relish in his croissant today, its crispy golden crust dotted with chocolate sprinkles.

By the time he’s finished, the agent is obviously sweating in his full black suit on a hot summer day. Moisture beads at his forehead.

“Well,” Steve says when he’s done, smiling Thor-bright. “How may I help you?”

The agent sighs. “You know.”

Steve curves a brow. “You want an autograph? Well why didn’t you say so!”

The agent … gives up.

* * *

“Does anyone know where to find Banner?”

“Fucking Fury fucking covering for him!”

* * *

“Okay, so we have a choice between _Star Wars: the Clone Wars_ and _Doctor Who_ today. What say you, Brucie-bear?”

“Eh, I’ve seen both. Lokes?”

“This … _Doctor Who_ … what are they a doctor of, exactly?”

* * *

“Agent Barton, a word, if you please,” says the woman in a black suit.

Clint steadily pretends not to hear her.

“Agent Barton! _Agent Barton!_ ”

She grabbed him by the shoulder. Clint used that leverage to flip her over, putting her on the floor almost effortlessly.

“Sorry,” he says, letting her go, and not sounding particularly sorry at all. “The batteries went out.” He points towards his ears, and the devices there. “Do you know ASL by any chance?”

The woman shakes her head.

“Uhh,” says Clint. “That’s a big problem there. I don’t know how they train their agents these days … You may want to take that up with your bosses.”

* * *

“And the other day, they sent a guy to follow me through the mall. The guy wasn’t wearing a suit, but I could literally see the outline of his gun through his shirt, I …” Natasha says. “They don’t make them like they used to.”

“No kidding,” Clint muttered.

* * *

“We are the most powerful organization in the world, how is it possible that we can’t fucking get close to _five_ misfits?!”

“We don’t know, Ma’am, they’re just … chaotic. Unpredictable. Which is why, at the end of the day, they were even considered for the Avengers Initiative in the first place. We just … ah, we didn’t think that’d work against us at some point.”

“We _should have_.”

“Yes, well …”

“I hate my life.”

“Um … Ma’am? Are you okay?”

“Shut up, okay? Just … shut up.”

**Author's Note:**

> [Tumblr.](https://www.tumblr.com/blog/view/stars-and-darkness)


End file.
